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Life on a Boat - Tae's Return to Logos Hope

Out of obedience, not hype.

2024.08.22 | 조회 307 |
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반드의 항해일지 Tae Sails의 프로필 이미지

반드의 항해일지 Tae Sails

선교사 반드의 두번째 로고스호프 이야기 Tae's sailing journey 2.0.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, 

This is Taehee Um, sending a warm hello from Korea. I'm sure many of you have been following the journey since my very first, 3-year-long ministry with Logos Hope, which I joined right after high school. Some of you perhaps joined the club since my recent 3-months mission trip in Tanzania, which happened after my Korean military time. And some of you may have met me through my most recent 2-week camp ministry (TeenStreet) in Germany.

Doesn't matter which point in time you joined me—welcome!

You would think that I'm finally ready to move on from this crazy mission ride. Believe me, I did, too. However, apparently, this isn't the case. I'm joining missions once again. 

Frankly, a part of me wonders if it would be better off to focus more on studies and career at this age. But whenever I swim in the sweet water of God's Truth, I quickly realize that in reality, I'm doing the best thing I can ever do at the age of 25—or any other age, for that matter: sharing the Gospel around the world. 



I still remember that one night in last April, which was my first night in Tanzania. I remember walking into the small guest room in the mission organization's office, learning that I would be sharing a mattress with a brother I'd never met before. I also remember, waking up the next morning, noticing another brother who had crawled into the room during the night, sound asleep under my bed. This new brother turned out to be a crew member from Logos Hope.  

You can check out the atmosphere of that room on my Youtube vlog.
You can check out the atmosphere of that room on my Youtube vlog.

For those who don't know yet, Logos Hope is the largest floating book fair in the world that has been sailing for the last 20 years. With 400 people from 60 different nationalities, she travels the world sharing knowledge, help, and hope. She is also my old home/workplace of 3 years—between 2019 and 2022.


The brother who crawled into the room during the night was thrilled to learn that I had been on Logos Hope. Sharing a meal together, he shared with me that the ship would soon be in Namibia, not too far from Tanzania, and urged me to make a detour before my next step. To this, I said no. When he asked me why, I replied: 

"I'm still dealing with some hurt I received from the ministry..."

Any organization made up of human beings would share this two-side-of-the-coin factor: being a beautiful family as well as a broken one. At the beginning of 2022, when I left the ship with a degree of disappointment and burnout, I had seen that other side of the coin, which made me think to myself that I would not come back to the ministry again. However, the brother was adamant: 

"Look bro, things have changed in the last 3 years of your absence. Just come and see."

첨부 이미지

His passion got me interested. Besides, Namibia was close enough. Perhaps I could just pay a quick visit before my next trip to Germany. So, after three months in Tanzania, I flew over to the desert land. 

It was nice to see Logos Hope after 3 years. The old vessel reminded of the good old days. However, the excitement didn't last long. Having many conversations with the current missionaries onboard, I began to notice and learn some of the issues that the ministry had been facing over the course of time. 

  • The pandemic season resulted the community with a low-manning situation. There was a decrease of more than 100 crew members onboard, which put extra workload on the current staff, which was leading them to a state of burnout. 
  • Going through the COVID season, there was a significant shortage of proper handovers, which resulted poor foundation of certain roles. I was shocked to realize that Creative Ministries, the area I used to be heavily involved in, was no longer active onboard due to the aforementioned reason. 
  • Because of these reasons, there was a sense of demotivation in the community, which was resulting more and more missionaries to leave the ship with disappointment. 

So what?

Doesn't matter to me anymore. 

I admit that this was my response at first. I mean, almost every missionary deals with burnout at some point in their ministry—why should I care? Knowing that part of it was coming from bitterness, I was careful of being too compassionate. Even when some leaders came up to me and asked whether I would be willing to come back to the ship or not, I told them "no". 

But God was not done with me yet, as He was the one who began to share with me his heart of compassion towards the ship's community. He even revealed to me the specific ways He can use my gifting during that short visit. Without even realizing, I was attending different staff meetings where they asked me to share work-related inputs. I was even given an opportunity to lead worship, where God allowed me to share a word of encouragement for the community. 

Conversation after conversation, I couldn't help but notice God's will for me to move on from my bitterness and join the compassionate heart He has for Logos Hope. I was watching, in real time, God shaping my heart from one way to a completely different way—from bitterness and coldness to compassion and warmth. Couldn't have come from myself alone.

The endless desert of Namibia.
The endless desert of Namibia.

Of course, this 2 weeks didn't really change my mind to want to come back to the ship. My mind was till on the Working Holiday Programme in the UK, starting September. I had to go now. Bye.

But the real challenge visited me a week after my departure for Germany. During the teen camp, came an invite from the ship. 

Would you be willing to come back and help rebuilding Creative Ministries? 

MV Logos Hope

As I was reading the invitation, I was surprised to notice how much God had already changed my heart. Without realizing, God's heart for the ship's ministry had been planted in mine. 


첨부 이미지

Responding to Calling

Let's compare this sin-tainted world to a construction site. 

Let's compare Jesus Christ as the chief builder who himself is working tirelessly to restore the world to its original state. He even invited us to be a part of that project. (Isiah 35, Acts 3:19-21)

And let's be real here. Does Jesus really need our help to complete His work? Nah. Yet still, He wants us to be a part of it. He wants us to be His workers—witnesses—and experience the joy of this glorious work of construction—restoration. 

And that is why, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter which tool we carry. For some it could be a hammer, for some it could be a shovel, and for some it could be just a pair of safety boots. What matters the most, I believe, is the willingness to obey and run towards the construction site, crying "here I am, LORD, send me!".

When I received that invitation from the ship, I took a look at my little hand. In it, was a tool called 'some experience with Logos Hope's creative ministries'. I decided to call it my calling. 

There was just one more thing I had to do.

항상 문자 하나로 시작된다.
항상 문자 하나로 시작된다.

That is why for this time, my upcoming journey has obedience in its center, not hype. Like I mentioned at the beginning, this would have to be a decision made with some 'giving up's—starting with my plan to go to the UK in September, for which I had already paid a significant amount of money. 

But for the last several weeks of praying about this decision, God has been providing me with confirmation in my heart through more than 30 different occasions. It is quite unlike the my previous process of going to the UK. Each step of the way back to the ship has been smooth, and I even received some words of encouragement (very specific ones—one might even say prophetic!) from random people I'd never met in my life.

Above all, there has been this sense of trust in the LORD's faithfulness in my heart, which I believe was also planted by the LORD Himself. 

Of course, my heat is often at turmoil, even in the recent few days. I fear I might leave the ship once again with the same type of disappointment and hurt again. I worry that I might repeat the same mistakes I'd made in the past. 

However, God was so kind to remind me the following truth—again, through a word of encouragement some of my friends shared in the exact moment I needed it: that I am a different person from the person who went on the ship 5 years ago. Because of that, though the ship may've stayed the same, God will teach me new things, grow me in new ways, and provide new grace. 


Quick Recap

🛳️ By God's calling and the ship's invitation, I am heading back to Logos Hope. I'll be focusing on restoring Creative Ministries—an area I had worked in, in my past service. I also have a desire to join a group of people who are praying for the ministry's revival through repentance, working to build a healthy community environment.
✈️ On September 2nd, I'm planning to fly to Ghana—a port I had left the ship 3 years ago (how humorous is our God?). I'm planning to stay for 3 months for now, but there's a likelihood that I may extend. 🗺️ Logos Hope is currently in Africa, planning to visit the Caribbean Islands at the end of this year. This is the exact reverse of the route I sailed in my previous time onboard. Isn't that cool?
💰 I'm hoping to raise about 3000 USD for this 3-month journey. I'm praying that the right amount would be raised soon, but I don't want to be in fear. If there's a prompting in your heart to share your support with me financially, please do refer to the information below.
💌 This newsletter can be subscribed via email through the bottom button. If you would prefer to receive it via WhatsApp, please send me a WhatsApp text to the number below.

사역 후원 계좌: 하나은행 31789045929407 (성함과 '후원'이라는 단어를 포함해 주세요)

Financial Support Account: taeheeum@gmail.com 

WhatsApp no.: +82 10 8791 8774

Paypal.me


Prayer Points

1. Please pray that I would not forget this heart of obedience. That I would expect God's great ways more than my own. For humility. 

2. Please pray that I may grab hold onto the Secret Place with the LORD—personal time spent with Him, where I can draw my strength from for the day.

3. This new ministry seems challenging—work wise. Please pray for wisdom in communication with leadership and courage to lead this project, with the aim of bringing back Creative Ministries into the system and training the appropriate people.

4. Please pray for my health—as I tend to struggle with seasickness. And safety in Africa.


These days, I feel as though I'm walking in the foggy darkness holding a small lantern. I can see just a meter ahead of me, and nothing else. But I'm noticing more of God's detailed care in my life than ever. Some might call this decision reckless, but I have no regrets as I believe it is the LORD calling me. 

I'll make sure to keep you posted. Thank you so much for all your love and support! ♥️

 

Loving, Tae

Reuniting with the brother in Namibia. His name is Blessing.
Reuniting with the brother in Namibia. His name is Blessing.

본 뉴스레터는 메일리(maily)를 통한 이메일 구독과 카카오채널 '로고스호프 엄태희'를 통해 받아보실 수 있습니다. 구독해 주세요!

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선교사 반드의 두번째 로고스호프 이야기 Tae's sailing journey 2.0.

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